


Autotune

by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead



Series: Does Not Compute [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Felix AI, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 04:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20886047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead/pseuds/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead
Summary: “We’re visiting an old friend.” Locus picked up whatever was projecting him - wait, fuck, he was being projected from a fucking tablet, what the fuck? - and carried it off the ship, toward a house on the edge of town.“You don’t have friends!” Felix protested. “You sure as shit don’t have friends you take off your armor for! It’s like taking off your own skin!”“House rules,” was the only explanation Locus gave.“What?” The door opened as Locus approached the house, and a woman stepped out.“Sam, it’s been too long!”“Hello, Megan.”





	Autotune

**Author's Note:**

> Someone commented on my Remnants story and I figured I'd toss out what was supposed to be the first chapter of a continuation. With how rough work has been and trying to write original things lately, I have no clue if/when I'll come back to this, but here I guess?

Felix didn’t know what world it was Locus landed them on. He only knew he didn’t recognize it, which he really wasn’t happy about. He didn’t like not knowing where he was, especially with the way Locus’ bio readings kept fluctuating, like he was jumping from anxiety to relaxation and back every few seconds. 

He went from  _ not happy  _ with the whole not knowing thing to  _ absolutely pissed  _ when Locus pulled him without warning. 

Felix forced himself to count the seconds until he was plugged back in, trying not to scream with frustration. Not that screaming would have done anything since he  _ wasn’t fucking plugged in. _

He  _ really _ needed to figure out how to stop Locus from doing that. 

Felix was in the middle of pouring through all the information he had on Locus’ armor and its software, looking for a way to prevent his chip from being extracted without his approval, when the world returned. 

Felix projected his snarling avatar, turned to Locus, and froze. 

He wasn’t being projected from Locus’ helmet. He couldn’t be, because not only did the circuitry interfacing with the chip feel wrong, Locus wasn’t wearing his helmet. 

Why wasn’t Locus wearing his helmet?

As far as Felix knew, Locus hadn’t taken his helmet off in  _ years; _ it was more Locus’ face than his actual face was. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Felix hissed, pushing aside his shock in favor of more anger. 

“We’re visiting an old friend.” Locus picked up whatever was projecting him - wait, fuck, he was being projected from a fucking  _ tablet, _ what the  _ fuck? _ \- and carried it off the ship, toward a house on the edge of town. 

“You don’t have friends!” Felix protested. “You sure as shit don’t have friends you take off your armor for! It’s like taking off your own skin!” 

“House rules,” was the only explanation Locus gave. 

_ “What?” _ The door opened as Locus approached the house, and a woman stepped out. 

“Sam, it’s been too long!” 

“Hello, Megan,” Locus replied, not flinching when she actually  _ hugged him. _

“Mace! Sam’s back!” Megan fucking Wu called into the house. Felix just stared as Mason fucking Wu appeared in the doorway a moment later. 

“Welcome back, Sam. You track down the generator theives?” Mason fucking Wu asked like it was totally normal for him to be  _ standing there _ and talking to Locus like nothing ever happened, like he hadn’t backed out of their partnership years ago. 

“In a manner of speaking,” Locus answered easily, like it was totally normal for him to be discussing his activities with Mason fucking Wu, who had definitely ditched them and then vanished with his family. “We have a lot to talk about.” 

“Damn right we do!” Felix told himself he wasn’t screeching. Screeching would betray how bewildered and infuriated he was by this development. Seriously. Mason. Fucking. Wu. What the fuck? “What the  _ fuck,  _ Sam?”

“I told you not to call me that,” Locus rumbled, lifting the tablet Felix was projecting from so Felix’s avatar was at eye level. 

“Seriously?  _ That’s _ what you’re worried about here?” Felix continued, still definitely not screeching. 

“Is that…” Megan was staring at him, one hand over her mouth, the other on Mason’s arm. 

“It’s an AI made from scanning his brain,” Locus explained. “So in a way, yes.” 

“So when you said he died on Chorus…”

“He did. This version only has the memories from before he was scanned. Could we step inside?” Locus glanced around, clearly not as unaffected by leaving his armor behind as he was pretending. 

“Of course, Sam. Put Isaac on the table. Mason, honey, why don’t you make us some tea?” Megan recovered first and took control of the situation, ushering Locus into the house. Through his shock, Felix realized this was why Locus had gone along with the  _ house rules. _ Megan Wu was  _ not _ a woman to cross. So if she said no armor in the house, there was no armor in the house. 

Locus followed the couple to the kitchen and set Felix’s tablet on the table, which Felix was suddenly  _ very  _ unhappy about. The tablet didn’t have the same projection flexibility as Locus’ helmet, so he was stuck at at the table’s height. 

“Hey! Someone tell me what the - _ fuck!” _ Felix couldn’t even convince himself it wasn’t a screech that time, because something had just  _ jumped through him, holy fuck. _ The world spun, surged upward, and Felix muted himself before he could scream, but he did accidentally throw holographic knives in every direction as though they would actually protect him from whatever had just happened.

“Mochi, no!” Megan scolded as she picked up Felix’s tablet from where it had apparently been knocked off the table and onto the floor. She checked the tablet over briefly before setting it back on the table. “Sam, could you get her?” 

“Of course.” Locus picked up the horrific monster that had tried to murder Felix and settled it in his arms, scratching the fuzzy demon’s head gently. 

“What the fuck?” Felix found himself repeating that a lot today. Maybe he should just record it and play it back whenever something stupid happened so he didn’t feel like it was the only thing he could say. 

“Language, Isaac,” Megan chided as she sat in the chair closest to where she’d placed his tablet. “Are you okay?”

“That  _ thing _ nearly killed me!” Felix hissed, more useless holographic knives in his hands. 

“She’s just a cat, Gates,” Mason informed him, setting three steaming mugs of tea on the table. “You can put her down, Sam.” If Felix hadn’t been glaring at the  _ murderous beast _ in Locus’ arms, he would have missed the brief downward twitch of Locus’ mouth. 

“Very well.” Locus gently lowered the  _ hellish creature _ to the floor, giving it one last careful scratch between the ears before he took a seat at the table. Mason passed him one of the mugs, which Locus took and stared into instead of drinking. 

“Okay, seriously, someone explain this shitshow,  _ now,”  _ Felix insisted, throwing one of his useless knives through Locus’ mug. Locus frowned at him, but it was Megan who spoke. 

“First of all, language. Second, I’m assuming you can alter your appearance?” 

“Of course, but-”

“Then pick something else to be wearing, Isaac. No armor in the house. No weapons, either, so quit throwing those knives around or I’m putting you back on the floor with Mochi.” Yeah, Felix definitely got why Locus had left his armor on the ship. Reluctantly, he switched his armor for civilian clothes, which earned him a nod of approval from Megan. Crisis avoided. “Good. Now, Sam, how did your generator adventure go? Must have been pretty eventful if you found Isaac along the way.” 

“Indeed.” Felix expected that to be it. Locus wasn’t much of a talker, never had been. “I ended up working with the Reds and Blues to put the perpetrators in prison. I discovered Felix while guarding Agent Washington after he was injured in the battle.” 

“What, someone just left a smartass AI laying around?” Mason leaned forward, folding his hands and setting his elbows on the table. 

“Not exactly.” Locus was glaring at his mug, like he was debating how to explain finding Felix. 

“How is Agent Washington?” Megan asked, giving Locus a sympathetic look.

“He’s alive.” Locus’ shoulders slumped. “And he’s in good hands.” 

“Yeah, because Tucker and Grif and the moron squad are known for getting people out alive,” Felix snorted. Before anyone could reply to that, Felix heard the sound of the front door opening. 

“Mom! Is that Locus’ ship outside?” Felix took a second to process that. Someone had just walked into the house and was calling for their parents. Someone was calling Megan and Mason their parents. Holy shit. 

“You have a kid?” Felix knew he was letting his surprise show, but he wasn’t sure how to not. Maybe he should have considered this possibility when they answered the door, but. He’d kind of been processing a lot, and it just hadn’t occured to him that the fucking Wus might have fucking reproduced. 

“Two, actually,” Megan answered easily before raising her voice. “We’re in the kitchen, Mel.” A moment later, a young woman stuck her head into the room, grinning when she spotted Locus.

“Glad you made it back! Martin’s trying to get into A’rynasea, by the way,” she added as she crossed the room and took the chair beside Locus. “Hope you locked the door.” 

“You know I always lock everything down, Melody,” Locus replied, apparently not at all surprised or upset by the idea of someone poking around the ship. 

“Awesome. Oh, hey! Locus brought home a little friend!” The apparent daughter apparently named Melody waved at Felix, who had to stop himself from throwing one of his holographic knives at her, and only succeeded because he really didn’t want to be the demonic furball’s new toy. 

“Melody, this is Isaac. He’s-”

“A smart AI, right? Your tiny knives are adorable,” Melody informed him, poking her finger through the knives Felix hadn’t quite realized he’d materialized despite his determination not to annoy Megan by throwing them. Felix decided he hated this new Wu, about as much as he hated their cat. 

“Isaac, no weapons!” Megan scolded. Felix caught a glimpse of the demonic cat on the counter, preparing to make the leap to the table. Felix forced the knives out of his hologram. 

“Let’s just get back on the ship and go literally anywhere else, okay?” he ground out. “I don’t even know why you brought us here.” 

“Mouthy little guy, aren’t you?” Melody leaned forward, poking at his hologram again. “Aren’t even smart AI supposed to be, I don’t know...less rude?”

“I’ll show you  _ rude, _ you little brat!” Felix hissed. House rules be damned, tossing a knife in this girl’s eye would  _ so _ be worth being tossed to the damned cat.

“Enough.” Locus scooted Felix’s tablet farther from Melody, giving them both stern frowns. Melody responded with an innocent smile and sat back in her chair. When Locus turned his attention to Mason and Megan, Melody stuck her tongue out at Felix, who did the same while flipping her off. “We came here for information.” 

“Of course.” Mason got up and retrieved a tablet similar to the one Felix was inhabiting from the counter, pausing to scratch Mochi’s evil little ears before he returned to the table. “After that broadcast about the sim troopers, it seems like some of Hargrove’s old friends have decided the spotlight isn’t close enough to them to be a threat, and they’re slipping back into their old habits. I’m sending you a list of targets and locations now.” 

“Wait. Are you back to being a bounty hunter or some bullshit?” Felix couldn’t believe it. He knew Locus had fallen low enough to associate briefly with the sims, so he really should have expected this, but still. Taking missions from Mason fucking Wu? “At least tell me you’re assassinating them.” 

“No.” Locus didn’t offer any more explanation, though Megan’s smile was a little too approving. Mason was looking a little smug, too, as he tapped away at his tablet. Felix’s own tablet dinged, and information streamed into the device. Oh. He could access this. 

A quick glance through the information revealed that Locus was being asked to recover information to incriminate these people. Damn. Locus was a  _ soldier, _ he’d always been fixated on that, and now he was, what? Some kind of spy? 

“Thank you, Mason. We should go.” Locus got to his feet and picked up Felix’s tablet.

“We’ll walk you out.” Megan stood, and Melody surged up too. “No, you don’t. You have to pack or you won’t be ready to leave tomorrow.” 

“I can spare five minutes to torment the tiny weasel man before they leave,” Melody protested. 

“Absolutely not. Isaac is our guest, and-”

“Seriously? Mom, come  _ on. _ He’s  _ leaving, _ that means he’s not a guest anymore!” 

“Run while you can,” Mason muttered, ushering Locus toward the door. “Those two will be arguing semantics for hours.” 

“Melody is taking a trip, then?” Locus asked as they left the house, nearly giving Felix whatever the computer version of a heart attack was, because Locus was  _ making small talk? _ What the  _ fuck? _

“She’s spending a semester studying Sangheili language and culture at an embassy on one of their worlds. It’s not the first place I’d like to send her, all things considered, but it’s better than the option she actually wanted, which was spending a semester shadowing an actual Swords combat unit.” Mason shook his head, his frown settling into his face more deeply than Felix remembered, and he was struck by the realization that Mason had aged. And no wonder; raising a terror like that had to do awful things to a person. 

“I am sure she will be fine.” Oh, Locus was reassuring people too, now? Felix couldn’t believe it. 

“She better be,” Mason grumbled. He hesitated, studying Locus for a long moment before focusing on Felix. “I know what you were like on Chorus. If that’s the version of you that became an AI, and you put Locus in danger…” Felix wanted to snort, maybe smirk and flip Mason off, because seriously? Mason fucking Wu was going to threaten him about endangering Locus? Locus was the one who  _ survived  _ Chorus. What the fuck kind of danger did Mason expect Felix to put him in on the shitty spy mission Mason had apparently planned that could compare to  _ either _ of the wars Locus had been in?

“If it becomes a problem, I will simply pull the chip.” Locus’ words had Felix wondering how the hell he could still feel like there was an icy chill shooting down his spine. 

The rest of their conversation barely registered in Felix’s mind, some bullshit about staying safe and checking in that didn’t mean shit compared to the abrupt reminder that he really needed to be focusing on figuring out how to separate himself from this damned chip. 

Maybe if he could integrate himself into Locus’ armor...no, wait, then if Locus took the armor off again, Felix would be left behind. 

He needed to be able to move between computers, like the fucking sims’ AI did. Maybe some kind of network? He’d figure something out.

He had to. 

He was  _ not _ going to be stuck in that stupid fucking limbo of being unplugged again. 


End file.
